Dont feel guilty - A day in my shoes

I've been very hands on with Dimples and I still am but since Cherub was born we've have difficulties with feeding, wind, an intolerance to dairy, colic and its been a struggle to have one on one time with Dimples. I've worked hard to keep his bed time routine the same and have that special time just for him so I can have a good chat with him, a big cuddle and read his favourite books. All is well in the world when were snuggled up with a book at night.

Living a day in my shoes at the moment is a bit unorganised and unplanned. We are starting to get into a new groove with Baby Cherub and Dimples is adjusting well. Things are starting to settle but it has taken a new positive attitude to get there.



A day in my shoes - I wear no shoes I don't have time :-D

Time has become my enemy, or lack of it I should say. I am usually one handed, usually comforting the baby while trying to help Dimples with something with the other hand in between attempting house hold chores, running a business, errands, study and blogging (key word attempting this does not imply success).

Things are getting easier now approaching the 3 month mark but for a while there my days blended together, nights went forever and I barely got anything productive done. It seemed as though I managed to feed the family, clean the dishes and look after baby Cherub- that was it; no house cleaning, clothes washing, studies, blogging and to my disappointment no hands on time with my little man. I felt he was missing out greatly and it started to get to me, the one thing I wanted to do was to help him adjust the easiest way possible keeping some one on one time just for him.

In order for me to not feel guilty about the household duties and endless tasks that were not getting done I had to adopt a non guilty positive style of thought. Otherwise I too would get buried under the mountain of chores. This is when I wrote a post for Positive Parenting Connection about making time to play and connect with children, something I had always done but something I was starting to struggle with. So as a new mum, second time around, with limited time I took a new approach and instead of trying to do engaging planned activities for Dimples I simply got down on his level when I had the chance, mostly on the floor and did whatever he was doing.

This was much easier, no set up, no clean up and we had just as much time together connecting. I took the opportunities when they came up, to join in play with Dimples and connect with him, really listen to him and to just be in the moment for a short time so that for starters he didn't miss out on time with Mummy and so that he didn't start to resent his sometimes fussy new little sister but also so that I didn't feel guilty.

I think the key to adapting to change as a mother, whether it be new family roles, a new house or a new baby or any significant change that alters your routine, time or adds stress and the key to staying happy as a parent is to not feel guilty.
If you see fantastic play ideas but don't have the time, don't feel guilty- there will be another time.
Motherhood, Parenting is often a rat race of over commitments and something has to give. For a few weeks the thing that was giving was me.

To hell with the vacuuming, I need not feel guilty. All this on line business getting past around about being screen free, who really is a stay at home mum and has weeks of completely screen free time? I need not feel guilty if Dimples is watching play-school while I feed the baby or playing an educational app on the iPad whilst I'm changing nappies and soothing an upset babe. I'm not doing as many set up activities or planned play, not as much scheduled play is happening at this stage in our journey but I need not feel guilty, we are having more spontaneous Play I'm connecting more and being more present during free play and that's what counts so I refuse to feel guilty for my own sanity.

Dimples has become more independent and he is choosing to spend more time doing things I wouldn't have encouraged him to do. Last year I wrote a post on the importance of doing nothing and this has become a light bulb moment. I'm not doing as much with dimples in the way of planning and prep but I am still being present, engaged and hands-on in his play. So I am not letting those feelings of guilt creep through my mind. I hope you do the same.

Leaving the clothes unsorted and the dishes in the sink for a little while longer is my new thing. Who cares! Really, Dimples is more important and connecting with him, spending time with him and keeping a strong relationship is more important. A new baby takes a bit of adjustment, not just for me but for him also, something I lost sight of as I got taken over with feelings of guilt.
If you too are coping with change and adjusting to a new role as a parent, try to be easy on yourself. Take time for yourself and don't feel guilty. Don't sweat the small stuff!

Happy Adventures :)